I'VE GIVEN UP ON MY CAREER GOALS AFTER HAVING KIDS
My friend leaned back in his chair and looked at me. ‘So, what do you want to achieve next in your career?’
Both self-employed, this particular friend and I often found ourselves talking about the pros and cons of being our own boss and how we each handled juggling work around family life.
I don’t know anyone else who works for themselves, so it’s always good to have his input.
Yet, his latest question flummoxed me.
Because, when I think about it, I don’t really have burning ambitions at the moment – not when it comes to my career, anyway.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. I work extremely hard and there is no way I’m giving up my career anytime soon (not unless I win big bucks on the lottery, anyway).
But now I have two children – Theo, six, and Immy, four – my life is no longer solely about fighting for the next rung on the career ladder. There’s so much more I want to prioritise.
That’s not an easy thing for me to admit. In fact it actually quite surprises me.
Ever since I decided I wanted to be a magazine journalist, I dedicated myself to making that happen.
My first job after graduation was in a call centre and I moved home to save up for an officially-accredited course. I also organised as much work experience on local magazines as I could possibly squeeze in.
After six months, I moved down to Essex to study law, shorthand and design, then, after bouncing around the country for various jobs, I finally ended up in London, where I got a job on a national magazine.
It was everything I’d thought it would be – and more. I got invited to celebrity parties and premieres; we constantly had food and drink delivered to the office.
Every day was new and exciting.
Soon, the job was no longer just a job. It was who I was. It was how I identified myself. Sarah-the-journalist.
I’d often stay late to do an interview or give up my weekends for a story. I never knew any different, nor did I mind. It was all worth it to see my name published underneath the features I’d written.
And when I got promoted to my dream job as features editor, it meant the world. Like all the late nights, missed events and stress headaches had been worth it.
When I went back to work, I suddenly didn’t want to work late, or go for drinks
So when a friend told me that someone they knew only worked four days a week – not because he had kids, but because he simply wanted to have the extra time off – I was flummoxed.
I’d literally never thought about life like that before.
You see, it is so drummed into all of us that we finish our education, get jobs and spend the rest of our lives working, that I’d never considered an alternative.
In fact, it has taken having two children for me to realise that life is about so much more than just a career.
My maternity leave with Theo was the first real extended break I’d had since starting work at 16.
Admittedly, there were desperately hard days where I counted down the hours for my husband Tom to come home, but the novelty of not having to set an alarm clock, not jumping straight in the shower and not facing that responsibility every single day was actually quite nice.
Having my days stretch out in front of me and being able to do what I wanted was refreshing. Of course, with a teeny newborn in tow I wasn’t exactly going far, but still, I loved being able to work to my own timetable.
When I went back to work, I suddenly didn’t want to work late, or go for drinks.
Not only motivated by the staggering £1-a-minute fee our nursery charged if you were late, I found I wanted to get home and see my baby. Giving 110% at work no longer seemed the priority it once was.
Gradually, I dropped my hours down from five days a week to four and slowly, by having that extended weekend, it reinforced that life wasn’t all about the 9-5.
Since having Immy, I’ve gone freelance – and I love it. My work is varied, I can pursue stories that appeal to me and best of all, I can choose my own working hours.
And this isn’t just about being a parent. I think lockdown showed a lot of people the same thing. That you don’t have to be on a train at 7.30am every morning and spend your day in an office to be successful.
More people than ever are digital nomads, travelling while working. Getting out of the rat race and doing something more.
When I look back at my favourite memories from the period I was in full-time employment, they’re of getting up at 4am to go and see Angkor Wat in Cambodia with my husband, or of jumping on a train when my sister told me she had gone into labour, or of eating fish and chips on Brighton Pier as it started to rain.
They’re nothing to do with my job.
I’ve realised that – although that it can be important, being successful in your career – you can find fulfilment in travelling, creative pursuits or other hobbies and, in my case, being a parent.
And I’ve also realised that your sense of identity can shift over the years. Now, I no longer see myself as Sarah-the-journalist. I’m just Sarah. A person. Who loves her career – but is so much more than simply that.
I think we all need to remember, parent or not, that we all work to live, not the other way around.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected].
Share your views in the comments below.
Get your regular dose of need-to-know lifestyle news and features by signing up Metro's The Fix newsletter
2024-01-27T11:03:06Z dg43tfdfdgfd